Anyone who is not a straight white man is TERRIFIED for their life right now, because every single person who is not male, not white, and not straight has been verbally abused by the President elect. They have already been getting beaten, terrorized, and threatened in his name. The only policies I have seen of his (apparently released in late October but given ZERO attention from the media) still support racism. Anyone that is not a straight white male has EVERY reason to be terrified. Anyone considering sharing that they are not Christian, not straight, that they too have experienced sexual assault, or questioning their gender has now had a giant train slammed into their face telling them they need to keep it to themselves in fear that someone will attack them for it. The country has already been mentally abused by this man and the citizens are very wary of what will happen next.
Our society has already made sexual assault acceptable and even discrimination acceptable. What we have seen from Trump thus far promises worse treatment. His policies also make those, even the straight white males, who live in poverty terrified. His tax break for companies and the wealthy will further the wage gap and put the poor further into poverty. I currently earn poverty-level wages. I use Obamacare and am on Food Stamps. He wants to get rid of the ACA. For those who know, know that I NEED insurance. I trip over forklifts for Dumbledore's sake! I NEED that protection because my job does not provide it. Trump being president means that I may not have health care next year. I have ongoing medical care for my asthma that needs to be covered. I am still searching for a diagnosis as to why my body thinks my thyroid is a virus and is attacking it. If I don't get diagnosed and treated in the next 6 weeks, I may come back from India paying thousands of dollars out of pocket. If I get sick in India, I may not be able to take care of myself. But those are small problems when you look at the amount of people diagnosed with cancer, with seizures, with Parkinsons, with so many incurable diseases. They are all TERRIFIED that they will die next year because the President-elect wants to take away their healthcare.
The 2016 uninsured rate remains at an all time low with the uninsured rate at 11.9% for Americans 18 – 64 and 8.6% for all Americans. Less than 9% of all Americas do NOT have health coverage. But that is a number we have NEVER seen before! It is AMAZING what President Obama has done for us in his 8 years of office. That small number is what everyone hoped for, since medical costs have risen so much. Earlier this year, I had knee surgery. But it was considered a minor knee surgery - I went to get surgery and was home within 4 hours. But that procedure cost over $14,000! That should be the cost of a total knee replacement! It is actually, if you travel to Asia. In America, a total knee replacement could cost you $70,000! That is $20,000 MORE THAN THE AVERAGE AMERICAN SALARY!!!! FOR ONE YEAR!
My point is - people are terrified for their lives. THAT is why everyone is so upset about Trump winning the election. They fear for their lives because they are different. It's almost as if we have figured out how to travel back in time when SEGREGATION was rampant and people were ALLOWED TO OWN SLAVES STILL! That is NOT a great America. That is an America of the past that should NEVER be brought again. America is already great because America cares. America is a melting pot where anyone from anywhere can get a second chance at life. THAT is what makes America great.
But really, if we want to get rid of all of the illegal immigrants..... we should start with the white people, because they took this country from the Native Americans and have disrespected and ruined their country. White people still are doing so, and I am SO ashamed to call myself an American after 2016. We have HORRIBLE to our own people, to the people whose land we stole, and to the rest of the world.
So while I am not happy with who our President-elect is, I know that he is the president that we deserve, because we have treated everything like shit. This really drills down the moral lesson of treat others the way you want to be treated - it will eventually come back to bite you in the ass.
So, until next time--
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Goals, the President, the Future, and above all - Peace
Most years, I tend to fall short in reaching my new goals for the year. I tend to set high goals, in hopes that I will reach just a portion of them.
But not this year. This year, I get to meet my goal. I've already met my goal. Sort of.
For 2016, I wanted to travel more and often, but especially, I wanted to travel abroad. Before 2016, I had been to 12 different states and had spend about 90 minutes "abroad" on a Bahamian island before I got injured and was back on the cruise ship, getting an x-ray done of my foot. I have had a deep seeded, lustrous, desirous, itching wanderlust for most of my life.
But in 2016, I got to travel to two new states and I've gone on multiple road trips. I got to explore new cities and towns in states I had already been in, and made millions of memories. But my hugest goal was to travel abroad, which I had started to chalk up to being something that would just have to wait until 2017. Until yesterday.
A few weeks ago, on a whim, I applied for a Winter Break Field Study program, as part of my Masters Degree. The course? Pilgrimage to Gandhi's India: Be the Change. The location? India. The timing? December 2016-January 2017. The idea? Social Justice Issues in India and following Gandhi's footsteps. I figured I could at least apply and see if I was able to afford it later, maybe pray to all of the deities that I could make the trip happen financially.
Well, yesterday I got an email confirming that I got a scholarship to pay for the last $1000 that I needed covered for the course and tuition costs.
I'M GOING TO INDIA!
Granted, I need to save up a little bit more money to afford the flight costs, but I did it.
I finally get to meet every goal I set for myself for 2016. Admittedly, hitting only two goals may not seem like a big deal to many people, but when you're in a financial bind and you've never even been given a passport, it's a pretty big deal.
But what's even huger than meeting my goal is the trip content itself. We will be guided through India by Mr. Arun Gnadhi, the 5th grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, visiting locations that were important to Gandhi's life - where we was imprisoned with his wife, where he was killed, his house, his ashram, and museums. We will also follow his legacy of social justice by visiting a college where illiterate women become solar power engineers, we will visit orphanages, and more. I will get to spend two whole weeks traveling through India, following and learning how to bring peace and social justice back to America.
As part of our pre-trip meetings, we attended a talk given by Mr. Arun Gandhi, titled "Non-Violence in a Violent World" He talked about how America, this huge powerhouse of a country, does not help to bring peace to the world. He reminded us, and maybe taught this concept newly to people, that the key to non-violent action is understanding, love, compassion, and respect. That if we do not approach war, violence, conflict, in a non-violent way, if we do not have love and respect for the opposition, then we will always live in a violent world. It is certainly not easy, though. He told us of a story back in 1913, when Mahatma Gandhi did his last major campaign of peace. He went to Africa to discuss, with the government, about racial injustice. After he had announced his campaign, but before he had launched it, another campaign, a rail-workers strike, occurred. They wanted Gandhi to join forces with them against their common enemy. But he refused. He told them that he did not have any enemies, just misguided friends. Those rail-workers got arrested and Gandhi was able to go on to speak with the government and helped to fix just one social injustice issue. That is one of the hugest lessons that we can learn today, is that not everyone is your enemy, that you have no enemies, just misguided friends.
I also got to sit down and chat with Arun Gandhi for 30 minutes before he headed to Brazil, and asked him some advice and questions about his talk the previous night. I asked about his advice on how America could become a peace leader of the world. And as he had mentioned the previous night, he said that the military in America has too much power. We discussed how the budget for the military could be cut down, which I agreed with, as it is too much.
As Americans, we have this mental image of ourselves as the ones who need to go into another country to save others, that we have the ultimate power and that we need to force people to be just like us. But isn't that why the original immigrants to America left Great Britain? That oppressive power? To get away from the violence and hatred?
Except everyone forgets where we came from - and it's not America. There is a small handful of Americans who do have Native American blood, such as myself, but for the most part, this country was built upon violence, of taking away the land and lives of those here before us. It has never sat well with me, and now I know why. In order to truly be a world leader, we need to break down and rebuild our country. We are being presented with a unique opportunity to do so, with our current election, actually. Regardless of who gets voted in as President, they will be changing the course of history. They will have the choice to make America a peace leader of the world. Or to continue on the path that we are on now.
While I am worried about the election, I am not worried about this - that we can change and that we are changing. People are finally seeing and understanding the social injustices of the world. People are speaking up, out, and about the social injustices across the globe. They are looking for a way to change. They want to change, but they are scared and they don't know how.
I am here to tell you, and I will continue to share what I learn. But I can tell you for absolute certain, that love is the answer. 2016 has been an amazing and terrifying year all mushed together. There have been multiple massacres, too many deaths, the 15th anniversary of a terrifying day, and more. But there have also been thousands and thousands of births, there have been celebrations of love and joy, there have been leaps and bounds of acceptance and love. So we just have to keep that up. We have to keep spreading the love, we have to try to understand and accept, we have to respect each other and the differences we have and share, and we have to have compassion.
If you used to be racist, but you want to find another way, I applaud you. If you used to be homophobic, but you realize that your behavior was wrong and silly, I applaud you. You want to make change, you want to become a better person, you want the world to be better.
I know it's difficult and it will always be difficult, but all we can do is try. I know I am going to try. I am going to learn and I am going to share. I can't wait to visit India. I can't wait to experience the world. I can't wait to walk in his shoes, to learn peace from the master and his family. I can't wait to share it with everyone.
As M.K. Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world."
So, until next time--
But not this year. This year, I get to meet my goal. I've already met my goal. Sort of.
For 2016, I wanted to travel more and often, but especially, I wanted to travel abroad. Before 2016, I had been to 12 different states and had spend about 90 minutes "abroad" on a Bahamian island before I got injured and was back on the cruise ship, getting an x-ray done of my foot. I have had a deep seeded, lustrous, desirous, itching wanderlust for most of my life.
But in 2016, I got to travel to two new states and I've gone on multiple road trips. I got to explore new cities and towns in states I had already been in, and made millions of memories. But my hugest goal was to travel abroad, which I had started to chalk up to being something that would just have to wait until 2017. Until yesterday.
A few weeks ago, on a whim, I applied for a Winter Break Field Study program, as part of my Masters Degree. The course? Pilgrimage to Gandhi's India: Be the Change. The location? India. The timing? December 2016-January 2017. The idea? Social Justice Issues in India and following Gandhi's footsteps. I figured I could at least apply and see if I was able to afford it later, maybe pray to all of the deities that I could make the trip happen financially.
Well, yesterday I got an email confirming that I got a scholarship to pay for the last $1000 that I needed covered for the course and tuition costs.
I'M GOING TO INDIA!
Granted, I need to save up a little bit more money to afford the flight costs, but I did it.
I finally get to meet every goal I set for myself for 2016. Admittedly, hitting only two goals may not seem like a big deal to many people, but when you're in a financial bind and you've never even been given a passport, it's a pretty big deal.
But what's even huger than meeting my goal is the trip content itself. We will be guided through India by Mr. Arun Gnadhi, the 5th grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, visiting locations that were important to Gandhi's life - where we was imprisoned with his wife, where he was killed, his house, his ashram, and museums. We will also follow his legacy of social justice by visiting a college where illiterate women become solar power engineers, we will visit orphanages, and more. I will get to spend two whole weeks traveling through India, following and learning how to bring peace and social justice back to America.
As part of our pre-trip meetings, we attended a talk given by Mr. Arun Gandhi, titled "Non-Violence in a Violent World" He talked about how America, this huge powerhouse of a country, does not help to bring peace to the world. He reminded us, and maybe taught this concept newly to people, that the key to non-violent action is understanding, love, compassion, and respect. That if we do not approach war, violence, conflict, in a non-violent way, if we do not have love and respect for the opposition, then we will always live in a violent world. It is certainly not easy, though. He told us of a story back in 1913, when Mahatma Gandhi did his last major campaign of peace. He went to Africa to discuss, with the government, about racial injustice. After he had announced his campaign, but before he had launched it, another campaign, a rail-workers strike, occurred. They wanted Gandhi to join forces with them against their common enemy. But he refused. He told them that he did not have any enemies, just misguided friends. Those rail-workers got arrested and Gandhi was able to go on to speak with the government and helped to fix just one social injustice issue. That is one of the hugest lessons that we can learn today, is that not everyone is your enemy, that you have no enemies, just misguided friends.
I also got to sit down and chat with Arun Gandhi for 30 minutes before he headed to Brazil, and asked him some advice and questions about his talk the previous night. I asked about his advice on how America could become a peace leader of the world. And as he had mentioned the previous night, he said that the military in America has too much power. We discussed how the budget for the military could be cut down, which I agreed with, as it is too much.
As Americans, we have this mental image of ourselves as the ones who need to go into another country to save others, that we have the ultimate power and that we need to force people to be just like us. But isn't that why the original immigrants to America left Great Britain? That oppressive power? To get away from the violence and hatred?
Except everyone forgets where we came from - and it's not America. There is a small handful of Americans who do have Native American blood, such as myself, but for the most part, this country was built upon violence, of taking away the land and lives of those here before us. It has never sat well with me, and now I know why. In order to truly be a world leader, we need to break down and rebuild our country. We are being presented with a unique opportunity to do so, with our current election, actually. Regardless of who gets voted in as President, they will be changing the course of history. They will have the choice to make America a peace leader of the world. Or to continue on the path that we are on now.
While I am worried about the election, I am not worried about this - that we can change and that we are changing. People are finally seeing and understanding the social injustices of the world. People are speaking up, out, and about the social injustices across the globe. They are looking for a way to change. They want to change, but they are scared and they don't know how.
I am here to tell you, and I will continue to share what I learn. But I can tell you for absolute certain, that love is the answer. 2016 has been an amazing and terrifying year all mushed together. There have been multiple massacres, too many deaths, the 15th anniversary of a terrifying day, and more. But there have also been thousands and thousands of births, there have been celebrations of love and joy, there have been leaps and bounds of acceptance and love. So we just have to keep that up. We have to keep spreading the love, we have to try to understand and accept, we have to respect each other and the differences we have and share, and we have to have compassion.
If you used to be racist, but you want to find another way, I applaud you. If you used to be homophobic, but you realize that your behavior was wrong and silly, I applaud you. You want to make change, you want to become a better person, you want the world to be better.
I know it's difficult and it will always be difficult, but all we can do is try. I know I am going to try. I am going to learn and I am going to share. I can't wait to visit India. I can't wait to experience the world. I can't wait to walk in his shoes, to learn peace from the master and his family. I can't wait to share it with everyone.
As M.K. Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the world."
So, until next time--
Sunday, September 11, 2016
The Sound of Silent Hands
It has been 15 years.
I was in 6th grade science class with Mrs. Tavares, another student, Christopher told her to stop and not turn off the tv, as we had finished a VCR about something sciencey. He was from New York. He knew the image of the twin towers. We didn't realize that it was live tv. But once Mrs. Tavares realized it, she couldn't move, only watch in terror. At the bottom of the screen, which was showing live footage of the twin towers being destroyed, to a classroom of 11 year olds, was information scrolling about other attacks happening across the Northeast.
I felt safer, knowing that we were in South Florida, and that there was not a reason for them to attack us. But I was still a few months from being 12 years old. I didn't know how serious the situation was. I couldn't understand why we had to keep everyone in the same classroom for such a long time, why we didn't have to do classwork. I knew everyone was scared, I knew I was scared by proxy, but I just wanted to get to art class so that I could work out my emotions the only way I knew how. I eventually got to do so, but I also was very sad. I couldn't understand why someone would do that. I didn't blame Islam, though. I blamed those individuals. I wanted to do something, and for years after, even now, I have played with the idea of joining the military to fight for my country. The one that was attacked with, as far as I can tell, no prompting.
But things have changed in the past 15 years. More animosity and hate is spread around to all. In 6th grade, I was friends with a Muslim girl, a black girl, a black boy, a Jewish boy, a bi-sexual boy, a lesbian, and all sorts of other kids. We didn't see a difference in each others skin color, heritage, religion, or sexual preferences. We just saw who was a dance kid, who was a theatre kid, who was a visual arts kid, who played an instrument. That's how we were 'divided' but even that didn't stop us.
It's still how I view the world. All of these labels that cause so much hate are unnecessary. They only cause more pain and strife and hatred. Why can't the guy walking down the street be just a dancer, or just an artist, or just a band geek? Why can't the girl driving next to jamming to rap music just be the dancer with curly hair, or the theatre soprano?
Why do we have to justify each other and our hatred with pointing out skin color or religious markers? Why can't just accept that we harbor some hatred and then try to change that feeling? Why do we have to feed it? Why do we have to build up the hatred? Why can't we just love each other?
For those that quote the bible.... why can't you remember that rule that Jesus made up - forget the commandments, this is my only commandment - love one another.
Why is love so hard for everyone?
EVERYONE is pained by remembering the travesty from 15 years ago. But there is a whole new generation that wasn't even alive when it happened. Every child in grade school either can't remember it because they were 3 years old or younger, or weren't even born yet. Why are we teaching them hate? Why can't we teach them love?
But whats painful is that on this day of remembrance, on this day of reflection, people are still attacking each other. They think that an image of the twin towers will offend some people, namely Islamic people and Muslims. But the thing is, that is not true for most of that population. What offends them is that you think they were not affected either.
Even more painful is that, 3 months ago, in my city of Orlando - more hatred caused more death and even more pain. 49 angels will never be seen again, and finally, the 50+ survivors are all home. But some people have already forgotten that travesty too. They are back to pushing political rhetoric about how love is really only between a man and woman. They are so very wrong.
Ask any child, just like I knew back when I was 11, that anyone can love anyone. That we should all love each other, that we just need to focus on the love, not the hate.
Today is a huge whirl of emotions all over this amazing country, but people are still lashing out. People are still angry. And even though it is 15 years later, I STILL can't understand how so much hate and anger can be harboured by so many people.
Even those who follow other religions know that love is number 1 - taking care of others, being good and nice is what should be default. I just struggle so much with wrapping my head around the idea of such angry people that they can only attack, not uplift.
As I reflect, and can remember nearly every detail where I was during both tragedies, what sticks out most, is that I tried to show my love for others as much as I could. The attacks of September 11, 2001 cemented the idea that I just want to help others and let them know they are loved. The attack of June 12, 2016 reminded me of that, and has pushed me forward in my mission to show love and not hate.
I hope that everyone can find it in their hearts to show only love, even if only for this one day.
If you would like some help with that, just watch these two videos/listen to these songs:
https://youtu.be/3iy2L9VeUfc (Sound of Silence by Disturbed, 9/11 video)
https://youtu.be/tnumaX_EJhE (Hands, tribute song for Orlando, GLAAD lyric video)
So, until next time--
I was in 6th grade science class with Mrs. Tavares, another student, Christopher told her to stop and not turn off the tv, as we had finished a VCR about something sciencey. He was from New York. He knew the image of the twin towers. We didn't realize that it was live tv. But once Mrs. Tavares realized it, she couldn't move, only watch in terror. At the bottom of the screen, which was showing live footage of the twin towers being destroyed, to a classroom of 11 year olds, was information scrolling about other attacks happening across the Northeast.
I felt safer, knowing that we were in South Florida, and that there was not a reason for them to attack us. But I was still a few months from being 12 years old. I didn't know how serious the situation was. I couldn't understand why we had to keep everyone in the same classroom for such a long time, why we didn't have to do classwork. I knew everyone was scared, I knew I was scared by proxy, but I just wanted to get to art class so that I could work out my emotions the only way I knew how. I eventually got to do so, but I also was very sad. I couldn't understand why someone would do that. I didn't blame Islam, though. I blamed those individuals. I wanted to do something, and for years after, even now, I have played with the idea of joining the military to fight for my country. The one that was attacked with, as far as I can tell, no prompting.
But things have changed in the past 15 years. More animosity and hate is spread around to all. In 6th grade, I was friends with a Muslim girl, a black girl, a black boy, a Jewish boy, a bi-sexual boy, a lesbian, and all sorts of other kids. We didn't see a difference in each others skin color, heritage, religion, or sexual preferences. We just saw who was a dance kid, who was a theatre kid, who was a visual arts kid, who played an instrument. That's how we were 'divided' but even that didn't stop us.
It's still how I view the world. All of these labels that cause so much hate are unnecessary. They only cause more pain and strife and hatred. Why can't the guy walking down the street be just a dancer, or just an artist, or just a band geek? Why can't the girl driving next to jamming to rap music just be the dancer with curly hair, or the theatre soprano?
Why do we have to justify each other and our hatred with pointing out skin color or religious markers? Why can't just accept that we harbor some hatred and then try to change that feeling? Why do we have to feed it? Why do we have to build up the hatred? Why can't we just love each other?
For those that quote the bible.... why can't you remember that rule that Jesus made up - forget the commandments, this is my only commandment - love one another.
Why is love so hard for everyone?
EVERYONE is pained by remembering the travesty from 15 years ago. But there is a whole new generation that wasn't even alive when it happened. Every child in grade school either can't remember it because they were 3 years old or younger, or weren't even born yet. Why are we teaching them hate? Why can't we teach them love?
But whats painful is that on this day of remembrance, on this day of reflection, people are still attacking each other. They think that an image of the twin towers will offend some people, namely Islamic people and Muslims. But the thing is, that is not true for most of that population. What offends them is that you think they were not affected either.
Even more painful is that, 3 months ago, in my city of Orlando - more hatred caused more death and even more pain. 49 angels will never be seen again, and finally, the 50+ survivors are all home. But some people have already forgotten that travesty too. They are back to pushing political rhetoric about how love is really only between a man and woman. They are so very wrong.
Ask any child, just like I knew back when I was 11, that anyone can love anyone. That we should all love each other, that we just need to focus on the love, not the hate.
Today is a huge whirl of emotions all over this amazing country, but people are still lashing out. People are still angry. And even though it is 15 years later, I STILL can't understand how so much hate and anger can be harboured by so many people.
Even those who follow other religions know that love is number 1 - taking care of others, being good and nice is what should be default. I just struggle so much with wrapping my head around the idea of such angry people that they can only attack, not uplift.
As I reflect, and can remember nearly every detail where I was during both tragedies, what sticks out most, is that I tried to show my love for others as much as I could. The attacks of September 11, 2001 cemented the idea that I just want to help others and let them know they are loved. The attack of June 12, 2016 reminded me of that, and has pushed me forward in my mission to show love and not hate.
I hope that everyone can find it in their hearts to show only love, even if only for this one day.
If you would like some help with that, just watch these two videos/listen to these songs:
https://youtu.be/3iy2L9VeUfc (Sound of Silence by Disturbed, 9/11 video)
https://youtu.be/tnumaX_EJhE (Hands, tribute song for Orlando, GLAAD lyric video)
So, until next time--
Friday, July 29, 2016
A Tribute to my Friend (And Why Society Sucks): A Story About Depression
It is very difficult to vent any kind of feelings or frustrations when it feels like you don't have anyone to do it to. Sure, I could write in a private journal, but I would like to seek advice of my peers and maybe I want to be reassured that there is someone out there who cares or will listen.
I do suffer from depression and anxiety, though. So maybe it is all in my head. Maybe those two things make everything seem worse. Or maybe they just make things plain worse.
In our society, even in 2016, someone suffering from depression and/or anxiety generally will not feel like they can just come out and say it. Society shames those who have any kind affliction, especially depression or anxiety. Some of the things that I have heard the most is "just get over it" or "well, don't think that way". Do you think I ENJOY feeling sad and feeling like the world hates me? Do you think I WANT to hole myself away all day? Do you think I LIKE to feel like a burden to anyone I meet? No one wants, enjoys, or likes any of those things except abusers. Someone who suffers from depression and anxiety just wants to feel normal. We want to be happy like society demands we be. But sometimes, we just can't. It is literally our body doing it for us. Depression and anxiety are both caused (in most cases) by chemical imbalances in the brain. It's not like anyone who suffers wants it to happen. They haven't done anything to cause it upon themselves, it is literally out of their control.
But it's just like any other illness - a cold, strep throat, cancer, the flu.
All it takes is some love and care.
My depression causes there to be a dark cloud in my brain, casting shadows and rain on all of the things that I love and enjoy. The anxiety does not help, as it ties up those things in bonds that can't be broken. It's torturous sometimes. Some days, I can fight it a little bit better and it's more like a sun shower and there's rope laying on the ground that could come up and tie me, but right now, it's just hanging out there. There's also days where the dark storm and the rope don't exist at all. But it's hard to tell.
Medicine can help sometimes, but each person is different. I have tried many different medicines that have worked for a little while, but then my body got used to them. I've tried medications that made me feel even worse than just dealing with the depression and anxiety on my own. But for me, every day is so different that taking the same dose of medication doesn't work. And it sucks. I have come up with some small coping mechanisms, but many days, it's just a 'hope for the best' kind of situation.
But it doesn't make me any less of a person.
Yet, society (and my brain) do a really good job making me feel like I would a better or person or even that society would function better if I was not suffering, or if I was not even here.
But a year ago, I saw the damage that kind of thinking does. And even before that, a few other times, I saw and felt what it was like for the world to lose someone who couldn't stand the thoughts anymore - whose dark storm was not letting up.
I lost my best friend from high school to depression and anxiety. We both knew the other suffered and we helped each other through, even into college. But there was a point where she moved away to a far away state, and I moved too, so that we could continue college at Universities. We still talked, but the times got less frequent, we grew apart, I had actually forgotten that I had a best friend once upon a time. And then, last summer, one random day, I see on Facebook that she's in the hospital. I didn't get a lot of details, but ours later, she's getting tagged in a hundred posts. She was gone.
She had tried to pull through, but it didn't work. My best friend, the one who knew the most secrets, the one I had shared so much with, sang with, laughed with, wrote with, danced with, survived high school with, was gone. And now, a year later, it still hurts. And it makes me REALLY wish that she did not have to suffer. I makes me HATE that science has not found a good enough solution to helping depression or anxiety. It makes me cry. Because it could have been me. It may be me in the future.
When you suffer enough, you test out ways to hurt yourself. You see what could maybe work. I know. I've tried. But when you're able to stop, it's like being in AA. You deserve to get a token for being 'clean' for a year, 5 years, even 5 days. Because everyday is a battle when you have depression. Everyday is a battle when you have anxiety. So when you manage to go without, it's good.
I know my friend had gone without for a time period, as we had made a promise to each other at one point to not do it. We managed it for awhile. But we both broke it. I can't say I know everything she did her last few months, but I know that I feel terrible. I blame myself. I blame her family. I blame her friends. I blame her. But mostly, I blame society. It's not fair for me to blame anyone, but society must take the fall for this one. Without the conception that people should be ashamed to be afflicited by depression, she could have gotten help. She could have been more open about it. A lot of people would. A lot more beautiful souls would still be with us today. I have lost at least 4 friends to same thing. Shame. I didn't lose them to depression or anxiety. I lost them to shame. Society made them ashamed for what they felt, when they couldn't help it one bit. I have been ashamed for feeling sad or scared because it's "not normal". But who is that fair to? No one. All it has caused it beautiful, caring souls to be gone from this world.
Whenever someone takes their own life, you always hear that 'they were so happy' and they 'were such a good person' and that we 'never saw it coming'. Why? Because we know what it feels like to suffer. We know what it's like to have a constant dark cloud. So we make your day better. We smile even if we don't feel happy. We make jokes, we're artists, we compliment you, we offer help, we love unconditionally. Because we don't want anyone feeling the same way that we do most of the time.
"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.''-Anonymous
If you have friends, let them know you care too. Make someone's day, even if you're having a terrible one. You never know what kind of internal battle someone may be fighting.
So, until next time--
I do suffer from depression and anxiety, though. So maybe it is all in my head. Maybe those two things make everything seem worse. Or maybe they just make things plain worse.
In our society, even in 2016, someone suffering from depression and/or anxiety generally will not feel like they can just come out and say it. Society shames those who have any kind affliction, especially depression or anxiety. Some of the things that I have heard the most is "just get over it" or "well, don't think that way". Do you think I ENJOY feeling sad and feeling like the world hates me? Do you think I WANT to hole myself away all day? Do you think I LIKE to feel like a burden to anyone I meet? No one wants, enjoys, or likes any of those things except abusers. Someone who suffers from depression and anxiety just wants to feel normal. We want to be happy like society demands we be. But sometimes, we just can't. It is literally our body doing it for us. Depression and anxiety are both caused (in most cases) by chemical imbalances in the brain. It's not like anyone who suffers wants it to happen. They haven't done anything to cause it upon themselves, it is literally out of their control.
But it's just like any other illness - a cold, strep throat, cancer, the flu.
All it takes is some love and care.
My depression causes there to be a dark cloud in my brain, casting shadows and rain on all of the things that I love and enjoy. The anxiety does not help, as it ties up those things in bonds that can't be broken. It's torturous sometimes. Some days, I can fight it a little bit better and it's more like a sun shower and there's rope laying on the ground that could come up and tie me, but right now, it's just hanging out there. There's also days where the dark storm and the rope don't exist at all. But it's hard to tell.
Medicine can help sometimes, but each person is different. I have tried many different medicines that have worked for a little while, but then my body got used to them. I've tried medications that made me feel even worse than just dealing with the depression and anxiety on my own. But for me, every day is so different that taking the same dose of medication doesn't work. And it sucks. I have come up with some small coping mechanisms, but many days, it's just a 'hope for the best' kind of situation.
But it doesn't make me any less of a person.
Yet, society (and my brain) do a really good job making me feel like I would a better or person or even that society would function better if I was not suffering, or if I was not even here.
But a year ago, I saw the damage that kind of thinking does. And even before that, a few other times, I saw and felt what it was like for the world to lose someone who couldn't stand the thoughts anymore - whose dark storm was not letting up.
I lost my best friend from high school to depression and anxiety. We both knew the other suffered and we helped each other through, even into college. But there was a point where she moved away to a far away state, and I moved too, so that we could continue college at Universities. We still talked, but the times got less frequent, we grew apart, I had actually forgotten that I had a best friend once upon a time. And then, last summer, one random day, I see on Facebook that she's in the hospital. I didn't get a lot of details, but ours later, she's getting tagged in a hundred posts. She was gone.
She had tried to pull through, but it didn't work. My best friend, the one who knew the most secrets, the one I had shared so much with, sang with, laughed with, wrote with, danced with, survived high school with, was gone. And now, a year later, it still hurts. And it makes me REALLY wish that she did not have to suffer. I makes me HATE that science has not found a good enough solution to helping depression or anxiety. It makes me cry. Because it could have been me. It may be me in the future.
When you suffer enough, you test out ways to hurt yourself. You see what could maybe work. I know. I've tried. But when you're able to stop, it's like being in AA. You deserve to get a token for being 'clean' for a year, 5 years, even 5 days. Because everyday is a battle when you have depression. Everyday is a battle when you have anxiety. So when you manage to go without, it's good.
I know my friend had gone without for a time period, as we had made a promise to each other at one point to not do it. We managed it for awhile. But we both broke it. I can't say I know everything she did her last few months, but I know that I feel terrible. I blame myself. I blame her family. I blame her friends. I blame her. But mostly, I blame society. It's not fair for me to blame anyone, but society must take the fall for this one. Without the conception that people should be ashamed to be afflicited by depression, she could have gotten help. She could have been more open about it. A lot of people would. A lot more beautiful souls would still be with us today. I have lost at least 4 friends to same thing. Shame. I didn't lose them to depression or anxiety. I lost them to shame. Society made them ashamed for what they felt, when they couldn't help it one bit. I have been ashamed for feeling sad or scared because it's "not normal". But who is that fair to? No one. All it has caused it beautiful, caring souls to be gone from this world.
Whenever someone takes their own life, you always hear that 'they were so happy' and they 'were such a good person' and that we 'never saw it coming'. Why? Because we know what it feels like to suffer. We know what it's like to have a constant dark cloud. So we make your day better. We smile even if we don't feel happy. We make jokes, we're artists, we compliment you, we offer help, we love unconditionally. Because we don't want anyone feeling the same way that we do most of the time.
"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.''-Anonymous
If you have friends, let them know you care too. Make someone's day, even if you're having a terrible one. You never know what kind of internal battle someone may be fighting.
So, until next time--
Thursday, April 21, 2016
The Big Move (Into a Quarter-Life Crisis)
I have lived in Florida my entire life. I have lived in 3 major cities, having made 7 moves from different addresses. The first move of my life was when I was about 4, a year after Hurricane Andrew (that I apparently slept right through) to a house from a condo. It was to the house I grew up in and the house I lived at until I was 21 when I went away to a University. My parents are looking at retiring in about 5 years and want to sell it. I don't like that because it's my home base. I wouldn't really call it home, because home seems to be where I am, but it is the familiar home base that I can go for a long weekend and not have to worry about much of anything. Since I work from "home" I can even take a 4 hour drive to visit and also do work in a refreshing environment. My mom is already trying to load off a room full of boxes to clean out the house. I keep telling her to chill, they have time. It will be weird, the day that I can't call that home base anymore. The day that I won't be able to visit my childhood home will be a sad day. There are a lot of great and not so great memories there, but it's mine. Mine alone. Even though I am not an only child, I'm the only one that was raised there. It holds a special place in my heart. It's also about a 15 minute drive from my most favourite place on the earth. My parents sell that house, I lose all of that connection. The memories live on in my mind, but the chances of me visiting that city again a very small.
The other 6 moves I have made have been in the past 5 years. One a year - after the first year. First was a move to student housing for attending university and since I started 2 years in I didn't have to live in a dorm and I felt that I was mature enough to do so. I was mature enough but there was still a bit of a random factor in there. About 4 months in, we had to move. I had moved in with my long-term boyfriend, his best friend, and his best friends' wife. She hated me. It ended horribly and with little dignity. I got placed in another apartment with a random girl that I had at least gotten the chance to meet face-to-face and text with a few times. She was great. My boyfriend had to move to another apartment. His roommates were cool. We got a third girl shortly after I moved in and she was a horrible roommate. I got that crazy experience under my belt. At the end of the lease, boyfriend and I (the one early blog posts are about) moved in together. That was move #4. That year was great, but after I graduated he broke up with me and I moved closer to my work at Disney (which is no longer a thing). I moved to Orlando. O-Town! That was move #5.
Since I have made at initial move to Orlando, I am now at my third place and we are talking about moving again! Why? Well, we wanted to stay and had decided that we would not move. But there is a lot that has happened in the past year. The maintenance here is so-so and we had bugs again. It wasn't the worst and we did get rid of the bugs again. But what sealed the deal for us was how one of the office staff members treated me. We had gotten served an eviction notice (due to their online system failing) and I called to try fix it but after sounding panicked, she called me an animal and hung up on me. Sadly, the property manager does not seem to care and she is still an employee there. We want to GTFO. But it's okay, because I have about a 60% chance that I will have to move for work when the lease expires, so that helps make the decision EVEN EASIER.
But now, I'm having a bit of a quarter-life crisis. I want to go back to school and am applying to go back to school this week. That's huge. I applied for a job at the home office/headquarters of where I work now. I would be required to move again. But not just somewhere else in Florida - I would have to move to a brand new state, to a place that is a 20 hour drive away from here. It's at least a 3 hour flight. It's 12 states away. It's New Hampshire. I couldn't be more excited and more terrified. "New" boyfriend (the one I have been with for almost 2 years now) would not move with me. Queue anxiety freakout. I've also been given an offer to do similar work, still with the same type of work and technically with the same company, but from an outside source (seriously, this would make so much more sense if you knew what my job was - clearly I'll just have to write another post about it). But, I would get to stay in the Orlando area, we would just have to move to the west side of town so that I would be closer since I could not work from "home" with that job. I do also have the option of renewing my current contract and doing the same job for another year.
But that's why I keep moving. I'm learning how a home, my home, should be. I am seeing the world through new eyes and I'm learning what features I do and don't want. I'm learning and seeing how the world around me works in a different way. I like it, but man is it giving me gray hairs! Good thing I dyed it purple yesterday.
So now I have a lot of options on my menu, it's just a matter of picking which entree I want and what sides to I pick to go with it? Do I make it a pick 2? Do I just go with the largest plate and say 'screw you, sides!'? I don't know. It's nerve-wracking and a little upsetting. It also doesn't help that I am in a depressive low, currently. It's tough being an adult.
So, until next time--
The other 6 moves I have made have been in the past 5 years. One a year - after the first year. First was a move to student housing for attending university and since I started 2 years in I didn't have to live in a dorm and I felt that I was mature enough to do so. I was mature enough but there was still a bit of a random factor in there. About 4 months in, we had to move. I had moved in with my long-term boyfriend, his best friend, and his best friends' wife. She hated me. It ended horribly and with little dignity. I got placed in another apartment with a random girl that I had at least gotten the chance to meet face-to-face and text with a few times. She was great. My boyfriend had to move to another apartment. His roommates were cool. We got a third girl shortly after I moved in and she was a horrible roommate. I got that crazy experience under my belt. At the end of the lease, boyfriend and I (the one early blog posts are about) moved in together. That was move #4. That year was great, but after I graduated he broke up with me and I moved closer to my work at Disney (which is no longer a thing). I moved to Orlando. O-Town! That was move #5.
Since I have made at initial move to Orlando, I am now at my third place and we are talking about moving again! Why? Well, we wanted to stay and had decided that we would not move. But there is a lot that has happened in the past year. The maintenance here is so-so and we had bugs again. It wasn't the worst and we did get rid of the bugs again. But what sealed the deal for us was how one of the office staff members treated me. We had gotten served an eviction notice (due to their online system failing) and I called to try fix it but after sounding panicked, she called me an animal and hung up on me. Sadly, the property manager does not seem to care and she is still an employee there. We want to GTFO. But it's okay, because I have about a 60% chance that I will have to move for work when the lease expires, so that helps make the decision EVEN EASIER.
But now, I'm having a bit of a quarter-life crisis. I want to go back to school and am applying to go back to school this week. That's huge. I applied for a job at the home office/headquarters of where I work now. I would be required to move again. But not just somewhere else in Florida - I would have to move to a brand new state, to a place that is a 20 hour drive away from here. It's at least a 3 hour flight. It's 12 states away. It's New Hampshire. I couldn't be more excited and more terrified. "New" boyfriend (the one I have been with for almost 2 years now) would not move with me. Queue anxiety freakout. I've also been given an offer to do similar work, still with the same type of work and technically with the same company, but from an outside source (seriously, this would make so much more sense if you knew what my job was - clearly I'll just have to write another post about it). But, I would get to stay in the Orlando area, we would just have to move to the west side of town so that I would be closer since I could not work from "home" with that job. I do also have the option of renewing my current contract and doing the same job for another year.
But that's why I keep moving. I'm learning how a home, my home, should be. I am seeing the world through new eyes and I'm learning what features I do and don't want. I'm learning and seeing how the world around me works in a different way. I like it, but man is it giving me gray hairs! Good thing I dyed it purple yesterday.
So now I have a lot of options on my menu, it's just a matter of picking which entree I want and what sides to I pick to go with it? Do I make it a pick 2? Do I just go with the largest plate and say 'screw you, sides!'? I don't know. It's nerve-wracking and a little upsetting. It also doesn't help that I am in a depressive low, currently. It's tough being an adult.
So, until next time--
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Across the Universe
Something that I have always wanted to do is to experience the entirety of human kind. I don't just mean traveling anywhere and everywhere, although I do want to do that, I also mean the entire history of human kind. I know that it is absolutely impossible to live for eternity, but I would love to have done so. The things that the world has seen, what we have learned and created, the ways that we have evolved not only as creatures but also the things that we have created.
I have always been obsessed with history and the past and how humans behaved, what they wore, I love to people watch whenever I am out in crowds.
One of the points of history that really always intrigues me the most in World War II and a few decades that followed. The Second World War tore up countries, families, schools, entire civilizations. In America, if you were a male the age of 17 or older, your name was in for the draft. Families would sit at home and wait to hear on the radio or watch on tv to see if their son, brother, father, cousin, best friend, husband, boyfriend, themselves, got drafted. It created terror and panic, never knowing when you would be safe or if you were being shipped out. The draft was still around for the next few decades as well for other wars such as the Korean or Vietnam wars. There was almost nothing that could prevent you from going.
These days, young men and women willingly and gladly sign up to go to war. Sure, there were some in the past that felt it was their duty, their right, their privilege to go fight for 'Uncle Sam'... but those were the ones who didn't know what it could do to you - those were the men who had an easy way out because Daddy was a lawyer, or they were taught that it was the highest honor to have.
I'm not saying anything negative about veterans - they are some of the bravest people that walk this space rock we live on and they deserve the best treatment in the world. They not only sacrificed their bodies to war (not always coming back whole), but they sacrificed their minds.
Being shoved into a war at the ripe age of 18, having spent your whole life up to that point being loved and cared for (in most cases) regardless of what your social standing or race was, really messed you up. So many soldiers then and now have come back from war with no visible injuries or scars. But the ones that hurt the most are the internal ones. Being shipped to a foreign country, being forced to gun down innocent people, being scared every single moment of every single day..... I can't even imagine how taxing that would be on someone.
In the past, it was very easily even worse. Mental illnesses have had such a stigma in our past that only now are people being treated with respect. If you already had a preexisting condition and then were sent into war.... there's no telling how much damage that did and has done.
Being forced to stay at home as well, knowing that you brother, father, uncle, best friend, husband, was in the middle of a war zone.... having constant anxiety about when someone might show up on your door-step with a letter and dog tags.... having your entire life ripped apart by the start of a war. For the most part, it's impossible for me to imagine waking up one morning and having that happen. Except it kind of did. The draft has not been in place for many years now though, so that has never been a worry for my generation or even the previous one, really. But there are children in this world, in America, that have never known a peaceful day. Granted the war has never come to our soil and without the draft, without it being a full-scale World War, it is nowhere near as bad.
But I wish I could have been there, in the past. Not only to experience it (maybe because I'm crazy because who wants to experience that kind of terror) but to be there for those who needed a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could have been in every single moment of history, the experience it for myself, to better understand why parents are the way they are, to know and be able to say 'I understand' to someone telling me a story and actually be able to understand.
I am a seeker of knowledge and I feel like the past is the best knowledge that we could ever have as humans. Sure, we technically already have the knowledge of what was learned and the facts (or false statements) of what happened, but I feel like experience is the truest teacher of them all. Without experience you have nothing - you have not lived.
One of my goals for 2016 is to travel outside of the country, which is something that I have never technically done. I've only ever been to 12 states in the United States and I have been to the Bahamas twice, stepping onto two islands for no more than 2 hours at a time (got injured on the first one 90 minutes in and the other I was in a wheelchair from said injury). I have not done any kind of crazy roadtrip across the country, I have never gotten to study abroad (no matter how many times I wish I have), I have not sneaked out to go to a concert or party in the middle of the night, I barely broke the law when it comes to underage drinking. I have never felt like I have ever experience life or the world. Sure, I've been all over the state of Florida, it's a huge state. Yet I still haven't even been to Capitol. I am finally going this month, at the ripe age of 26. Finally, a trip to the panhandle.
But this year, I will travel, I will live, I will love, I will experience life like I never have before.
This post was originally to talk about my love for history and wanting to have all of those experiences of the world, but I guess what I really wanted to get out was that since I can't, I'm going to do it this way. The only way that I can - exploring, loving, creating, and living.
I have always been obsessed with history and the past and how humans behaved, what they wore, I love to people watch whenever I am out in crowds.
One of the points of history that really always intrigues me the most in World War II and a few decades that followed. The Second World War tore up countries, families, schools, entire civilizations. In America, if you were a male the age of 17 or older, your name was in for the draft. Families would sit at home and wait to hear on the radio or watch on tv to see if their son, brother, father, cousin, best friend, husband, boyfriend, themselves, got drafted. It created terror and panic, never knowing when you would be safe or if you were being shipped out. The draft was still around for the next few decades as well for other wars such as the Korean or Vietnam wars. There was almost nothing that could prevent you from going.
These days, young men and women willingly and gladly sign up to go to war. Sure, there were some in the past that felt it was their duty, their right, their privilege to go fight for 'Uncle Sam'... but those were the ones who didn't know what it could do to you - those were the men who had an easy way out because Daddy was a lawyer, or they were taught that it was the highest honor to have.
I'm not saying anything negative about veterans - they are some of the bravest people that walk this space rock we live on and they deserve the best treatment in the world. They not only sacrificed their bodies to war (not always coming back whole), but they sacrificed their minds.
Being shoved into a war at the ripe age of 18, having spent your whole life up to that point being loved and cared for (in most cases) regardless of what your social standing or race was, really messed you up. So many soldiers then and now have come back from war with no visible injuries or scars. But the ones that hurt the most are the internal ones. Being shipped to a foreign country, being forced to gun down innocent people, being scared every single moment of every single day..... I can't even imagine how taxing that would be on someone.
In the past, it was very easily even worse. Mental illnesses have had such a stigma in our past that only now are people being treated with respect. If you already had a preexisting condition and then were sent into war.... there's no telling how much damage that did and has done.
Being forced to stay at home as well, knowing that you brother, father, uncle, best friend, husband, was in the middle of a war zone.... having constant anxiety about when someone might show up on your door-step with a letter and dog tags.... having your entire life ripped apart by the start of a war. For the most part, it's impossible for me to imagine waking up one morning and having that happen. Except it kind of did. The draft has not been in place for many years now though, so that has never been a worry for my generation or even the previous one, really. But there are children in this world, in America, that have never known a peaceful day. Granted the war has never come to our soil and without the draft, without it being a full-scale World War, it is nowhere near as bad.
But I wish I could have been there, in the past. Not only to experience it (maybe because I'm crazy because who wants to experience that kind of terror) but to be there for those who needed a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could have been in every single moment of history, the experience it for myself, to better understand why parents are the way they are, to know and be able to say 'I understand' to someone telling me a story and actually be able to understand.
I am a seeker of knowledge and I feel like the past is the best knowledge that we could ever have as humans. Sure, we technically already have the knowledge of what was learned and the facts (or false statements) of what happened, but I feel like experience is the truest teacher of them all. Without experience you have nothing - you have not lived.
One of my goals for 2016 is to travel outside of the country, which is something that I have never technically done. I've only ever been to 12 states in the United States and I have been to the Bahamas twice, stepping onto two islands for no more than 2 hours at a time (got injured on the first one 90 minutes in and the other I was in a wheelchair from said injury). I have not done any kind of crazy roadtrip across the country, I have never gotten to study abroad (no matter how many times I wish I have), I have not sneaked out to go to a concert or party in the middle of the night, I barely broke the law when it comes to underage drinking. I have never felt like I have ever experience life or the world. Sure, I've been all over the state of Florida, it's a huge state. Yet I still haven't even been to Capitol. I am finally going this month, at the ripe age of 26. Finally, a trip to the panhandle.
But this year, I will travel, I will live, I will love, I will experience life like I never have before.
This post was originally to talk about my love for history and wanting to have all of those experiences of the world, but I guess what I really wanted to get out was that since I can't, I'm going to do it this way. The only way that I can - exploring, loving, creating, and living.
Monday, April 21, 2014
My Body and Alcohol: Part I
I noticed something interesting one night recently. Alcohol does not give me hang-overs. This is pretty awesome, if I were say, a party animal. But I'm not. However, it got me doing some research and eventually lead to experiments.
According to multiple sources, it takes the human body at least an hour to metabolize a single alcoholic drink (one shot of hard liquor, one beer, etc.) at the normal level of alcohol per volume percentage. I had a feeling that did not apply to me in the slightest.
I already know that my body tends to have trouble absorbing medication and nutrients via oral consumption. I have a bit more luck with liquid than solids, but it generally takes a consistent flow of injections for my body to really absorb what it needs. The main I know this is because I have experience in dealing with that particular issue and certain vitamins.
I also know that my stomach and all the other organs involved metabolise my food very quickly. I don't just mean moving the food from my stomach to intestines, etc. I mean doing all of that PLUS breaking it down and using it properly. That's part of the reason I don't absorb everything I need, because my stomach and organs do their work quickly, not efficiently.
So I've decided to start recording my tolerance, absorption and effects of alcohol, specifically with time so that I can see if my body truly does metabolise alcohol quicker than everyone else.
Currently, I can only go by what I feel and do as I don't have a way to test my breath or blood, but I have a feeling I will be able to figure out how to do that soon because my inane curiosity will get the better of me. The first recording is from earlier tonight as follows:
18:40 - start drinking Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade (5.8% alc/vol) and eating a salad
18:50 - finish eating salad
19:00 - finish off Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade
19:20 - start to feel alcoholy effects
19:35 - alcoholy effects start to wear off
19:40 - alcoholy effects are gone
I really hope that I don't have to explain what "alcoholy effects" are to anyone, if you've ever had alcohol, you know what I mean. It looks like it takes my body very little time to fully process one alcoholic drink. From the time of starting my drink to when the effects were completely gone, it was one measly hour of the night. That is nothing!
You may be thinking that sure, that's great, but you're probably a heavy drinker or something like that. Except I'm not. I can tell you for a fact (and have witnesses to prove it) that it only takes three shots of whiskey to get me fall over drunk. I'm pretty light-weight when it comes to drinking. That is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in how quickly my body processes the alcohol; because it would stand to reason that if I (or anyone) drank two bottles of wine, had 7 shots and then 9 beers over the course of a night, they would have blacked out and had a wicked hang-over in the morning. Except that didn't happen. Well, that consumption of alcohol did, but the morning after, there was a vague headache and some nausea, although that was more than likely caused by the concussion I had procured during the night rather than from the alcohol, but who knows? That party also happened quite awhile ago and we all know that body chemistry changes as you age.
Regardless, I want to find out how my body processes alcohol because if my body can regularly do as recorded earlier tonight, I will be damn impressed and also be able to help myself when it comes to getting the proper nutrition that I need.
It should be noted that a)All food from prior in the day had already made it past the point of no return and b)I should also record my output (peeing) and will do so in the future.
So cheers to science and discoveries and may the odds be ever in my favour!
According to multiple sources, it takes the human body at least an hour to metabolize a single alcoholic drink (one shot of hard liquor, one beer, etc.) at the normal level of alcohol per volume percentage. I had a feeling that did not apply to me in the slightest.
I already know that my body tends to have trouble absorbing medication and nutrients via oral consumption. I have a bit more luck with liquid than solids, but it generally takes a consistent flow of injections for my body to really absorb what it needs. The main I know this is because I have experience in dealing with that particular issue and certain vitamins.
I also know that my stomach and all the other organs involved metabolise my food very quickly. I don't just mean moving the food from my stomach to intestines, etc. I mean doing all of that PLUS breaking it down and using it properly. That's part of the reason I don't absorb everything I need, because my stomach and organs do their work quickly, not efficiently.
So I've decided to start recording my tolerance, absorption and effects of alcohol, specifically with time so that I can see if my body truly does metabolise alcohol quicker than everyone else.
Currently, I can only go by what I feel and do as I don't have a way to test my breath or blood, but I have a feeling I will be able to figure out how to do that soon because my inane curiosity will get the better of me. The first recording is from earlier tonight as follows:
18:40 - start drinking Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade (5.8% alc/vol) and eating a salad
18:50 - finish eating salad
19:00 - finish off Smirnoff Blueberry Lemonade
19:20 - start to feel alcoholy effects
19:35 - alcoholy effects start to wear off
19:40 - alcoholy effects are gone
I really hope that I don't have to explain what "alcoholy effects" are to anyone, if you've ever had alcohol, you know what I mean. It looks like it takes my body very little time to fully process one alcoholic drink. From the time of starting my drink to when the effects were completely gone, it was one measly hour of the night. That is nothing!
You may be thinking that sure, that's great, but you're probably a heavy drinker or something like that. Except I'm not. I can tell you for a fact (and have witnesses to prove it) that it only takes three shots of whiskey to get me fall over drunk. I'm pretty light-weight when it comes to drinking. That is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in how quickly my body processes the alcohol; because it would stand to reason that if I (or anyone) drank two bottles of wine, had 7 shots and then 9 beers over the course of a night, they would have blacked out and had a wicked hang-over in the morning. Except that didn't happen. Well, that consumption of alcohol did, but the morning after, there was a vague headache and some nausea, although that was more than likely caused by the concussion I had procured during the night rather than from the alcohol, but who knows? That party also happened quite awhile ago and we all know that body chemistry changes as you age.
Regardless, I want to find out how my body processes alcohol because if my body can regularly do as recorded earlier tonight, I will be damn impressed and also be able to help myself when it comes to getting the proper nutrition that I need.
It should be noted that a)All food from prior in the day had already made it past the point of no return and b)I should also record my output (peeing) and will do so in the future.
So cheers to science and discoveries and may the odds be ever in my favour!
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